Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Pen to Paper

The greatest grief therapy in wake of Erin's passing has been opening up my heart and pouring out the emotions onto paper. Medical intervention, drug therapy, grief counseling, support of loved ones, and religious beliefs are often effective means of coping after a loss but for myself, it's the ability to express myself without limitations. I'm well aware that memories fade with time and get blurred around the edges but the written word will remain intact until the ink disappears from the page.

 I've always enjoyed reading and understand the power of the written word so it's natural that I'd want to convey my feelings via that avenue. Several years ago, a hand crafted Italian journal was purchased to record the adventures of Erin in Europe as those are years and memories that I never wish to forget and it's amazing how the stories transport me back to happier times. Minute details and forgotten specifics reread years later brings out elation and a broad smile as I fondly flash back to the olden days. In the same vein, journaling and blogging about life without Erin will provide a similar response although the reaction may be somber and accompanied by sadness and tears.

Several days after the loss of Erin, I set out to record what transpired in the 48 hour window which covered her getting ill and finally taking her last breath. Despite the pain at recollecting those final hours, I set out to record the final scene and in the most accurate colorful version possible for the sake of future readings. That said, it isn't completely finished and I'm unsure when it will be concluded as the subject matter is too tear provoking for me at this time, so the pocket size journal will remain in storage til my emotional fortitude rebounds. The ending of Erin's life is an area I do not discuss with others as it's a private matter between the two of us but be assured, she was so brave in the face of adversity while her courage and love were beyond remarkable. One can only hope for such qualities at the end of their journey!!

These written words are so therapeutic and healing in many ways but most importantly to reiterate my love and adoration for Erin and how special the bond we shared. While alive she befriended and wooed many along the way but now it's my responsibility to continue her message of friendship and tolerance for the time being. One person at a time is my approach as I reach out to the masses through the internet to disperse her story of excellence amplified and the impact upon so many. The words usually flow without hindrance as it's easy to write when you're passionate about the subject and there's nothing that fuels my flames more than discussing Erin's life. There are often tears and melancholy as the sentences trigger a memory from a not so distant past but it's part of the healing process and something I'm willing to accept. I urge everyone to pursue whatever aids their grieving process while I'll continue to jot down my thoughts about my fur angel. Writing is healing and besides it's much cheaper than a therapist!!! RIP Erin!!!

Keep writing. Keep doing it and doing it. Even in the moments when it’s so hurtful to think about writing. ~ Heather Armstrong

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