Monday, May 16, 2011
Words Cut like a Knife
It was quickly discovered in the days following Erin's passing that humans can be judgemental and instead of providing comfort they're capable of creating stress and additional pain. It's still very hurtful to reflect upon that period in my life and to remember friends questioning my method of grieving or to make insulting comments about my relationship with my beloved friend, those folks committed the ultimate act of betrayal and it's doubtful they will ever regain my complete trust. They certainly didn't grasp the dire situation, the vulnerable state I was in and their words pierced my heart as a knife would but survive I did and I learned to not leave myself wide open to attacks anymore. To be accused of contributing to Erin's death, downplaying her role in my life or to imply Erin's passing is insignificant in comparison to human deaths are examples of missteps by former friends and girlfriends alike.
This blog is probably the most open I come to revealing what lies in my heart, to read these posts is to see my bared soul and while I'm certainly capable of being hurt, up to this point I have received nothing but support and love for myself and Erin. Family members and friends who don't read these posts are fed fragments which I believe they can handle and while the truth is always spoken, it's not the entire picture as there is little doubt that my words and actions would be questioned. At this stage of my recovery I don't need someone undermining my emotional well-being with venomous words and while I'll admit to being overly sensitive I must do what it takes to preserve my existence. Those nearest us are often incapable of saying the right things, soothing the pain and they can make a situation worse with insensitive comments although I understand knowing what to say to the grieving can be a difficult task.
Amongst my greatest pillars of strength in wake of Erin's death were people whom I'd never met face to face only through social media platforms and these folks lifted me up at my lowest point. My facebook page was overwhelmed with condolences, offers of support and several sought me out in person to discuss the situation and just hang out; that is what one really wants in those times...to be near the living. Those closest to me sometimes felt they had the right to utter any statement without considering my feelings, it's my belief that our most intimate contacts feel invincible and they believe there are no consequences for their words but this time they were wrong. Life is a journey filled with lessons, some pleasant while some are painful but they all serve to educate.
Thanks to all who have supported me since Erin's passing and continue to read this blog dedicated to preserving her memory!!