Most people are one phone call away from having their world shattered into a million pieces. The voice on the other end of the line is speaking but the words become jumbled after awhile, all you know is that your loved one has passed away or is near-death and nothing else in this world matters. When the emergency veterinarian called me to relay the news of Erin's impending death, the air was literally sucked out of my body and the world could have exploded around me, life couldn't get any worse at that moment. Nobody thought she was going to pass away, none of the vets treating her believed the condition was dire; they predicted several days of aggressive fluid treatment and then she would be released into my care for tlc at home. What a devastating shock to the system as the phone call informed me that Erin would not survive the evening, to expect life and receive death is the cruelest trick this world could ever spring upon me.
Normalcy in life is no longer an option at that point; one has to find any piece of driftwood in the ocean to cling and for me this means clinging to memories of a happier time, of a period when life was filled with bliss between Erin and myself. It's a very intricate and difficult situation as one must pick up the pieces of their shattered life and move forward with a suitcase full of emotions that run the gamut from depression to guilt to anger. Believe me, the void left behind will be nearly impossible to fill, so many years of personal interactions and daily rituals gone in the blink of an eye and the survivor is left wondering how to fill the recently created crater. Erin's absence has left a vacuum which will be difficult to fill even by the addition of another dog; I expect that for the remainder of my days there will exist a sense of dread as the best chapter of my life is past tense.
Eventually most folks will receive dreadful news of their beloved loved one's demise and no matter if it's a parent, child, friend or beloved pet, they will be forced to make difficult decisions regarding the future and how to manage life on a daily basis. Life will be turned upside down, trivial details are of little importance as trudging on is the only thing that matters; numbly surviving day by day until life becomes worth living again. Time without Erin is often unbearable and death is a welcome option for myself but survive I do if for no other reason than to not disappoint those around me; I continue to exist in this present-day world but yearn for days of yore or a future reunion with my most loyal friend. People clutch the past like a stuffed animal, afraid of letting go of the memories and emotions associated with that period; believe me it's terrifying to forge a new life without those loved one's who mean everything.
We all make someone or something the centerpiece of our attention, devote the lion's share of love to that being, and losing them is beyond words. Unless you've suffered a loss of the utmost degree then you probably have no idea the pain that resides in the heart and honestly I had no idea until this unfortunate event took place. Death alters the comfortable existence, rearranges the daily routine, and creates chaos out of calm and as humans that is something we all detest...Change. It really was the end of the world as I knew it when Erin passed away but life goes on....
"I have a certainty about eternity that is a wonderful thing, and I thank God for giving me that certainty. I do not fear death. I may fear a little bit about the process, but not death itself, because I think the moment that my spirit leaves this body, I will be in the presence of the Lord." ~ BILLY GRAHAM