Monday, May 16, 2011

Words Cut like a Knife

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It was quickly discovered in the days following Erin's passing that humans can be judgemental and instead of providing comfort they're capable of creating stress and additional pain. It's still very hurtful to reflect upon that period in my life and to remember friends questioning my method of grieving or to make insulting comments about my relationship with my beloved friend, those folks committed the ultimate act of betrayal and it's doubtful they will ever regain my complete trust. They certainly didn't grasp the dire situation, the vulnerable state I was in and their words pierced my heart as a knife would but survive I did and I learned to not leave myself wide open to attacks anymore. To be accused of contributing to Erin's death, downplaying her role in my life or to imply Erin's passing is insignificant in comparison to human deaths are examples of missteps by former friends and girlfriends alike.

This blog is probably the most open I come to revealing what lies in my heart, to read these posts is to see my bared soul and while I'm certainly capable of being hurt, up to this point I have received nothing but support and love for myself and Erin. Family members and friends who don't read these posts are fed fragments which I believe they can handle and while the truth is always spoken, it's not the entire picture as there is little doubt that my words and actions would be questioned. At this stage of my recovery I don't need someone undermining my emotional well-being with venomous words and while I'll admit to being overly sensitive I must do what it takes to preserve my existence. Those nearest us are often incapable of saying the right things, soothing the pain and they can make a situation worse with insensitive comments although I understand knowing what to say to the grieving can be a difficult task.

Amongst my greatest pillars of strength in wake of Erin's death were people whom I'd never met face to face only through social media platforms and these folks lifted me up at my lowest point. My facebook page was overwhelmed with condolences, offers of support and several sought me out in person to discuss the situation and just hang out; that is what one really wants in those times...to be near the living. Those closest to me sometimes felt they had the right to utter any statement without considering my feelings, it's my belief that our most intimate contacts feel invincible and they believe there are no consequences for their words but this time they were wrong. Life is a journey filled with lessons, some pleasant while some are painful but they all serve to educate.

Thanks to all who have supported me since Erin's passing and continue to read this blog dedicated to preserving her memory!!
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11 comments:

  1. Erin is lucky to have you in her life. i have never seen such dedication ever before. may Erin's soul rest in peace.

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  2. Thank you so much for the touching comment!! That might be the best comment ever about my relationship with Erin, made my eyes tear up with joy!!! I was lucky to have her as a friend as well. Thank you again!! :)

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  3. It's unfortunate how people who don't understand a situation well become critical and judgmental. I think you were really wise in distancing yourself, at least during your grieving period, from them. It's best, in my opinion, to surround yourself with those who help bring out the positive, with those who are supportive and encouraging, not those who just create deeper wounds.

    Erin was undoubtedly a very special and irreplacable part of your life, anyone that reads this blog will come to that conclusion. You both blessed eachother with faithful and unconditional love, something not everyone is fortunate to experience. I pray for continued healing and peace.

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  4. Remember who was with you that terrible night. That support has never wavered, never judged.

    "Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it?"

    So I did...

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  5. When my sister passed away, she left me her little poodle, Cindy. A 6ft2 ex para walking with a little toy dog. Oh how could she do it to me. 3 years later when Cindy died, i was in mourning for a week, crying my eyes out, feeling her loss immensely. I can't see another poodle without thinking of my loving Cindy. Unless you are an animal lover, you could never understand, that a 'dog' is as precious as a child, and they show total unconditional love

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  6. thanks for the great comment! Nive blog :) hope to hear from you <3


    a have a new post if youd like to check!
    love, Katheryn
    www.runwayrocknroll.blogspot.com

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  7. The unconditional love given to you from Erin is not always attained in Human Relationships...you were able to give your own unconditional love in return..unjudged...just embraced by this beautiful friend. I have lost pets and grieved deeply..I could always be just "Me" with them. I think one of the greatest gifts of living is the love of a pet. You and Erin have that...no one can take it from you. Cherish the Memories. I love this photo of her....those eyes just make you melt....always thinking of you both...

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  8. Your relationship with Erin shows me that you are an exceptional person. I feel your pain and loss through your words. I love your photos. Grief is such a burden. I wish you well on your journey and look forward to each of your posts about Erin and yourself.

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  9. Thanks to everyone for their comments, I certainly appreciate the input regarding Erin and our relationship. Blessings to all of you!!

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  10. Blessings to you my friend.. Erin was a beauty... I am sorry for your loss.
    xoxo
    Jess

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  11. You gave Erin a rich and full life. You cherished her, as you cherish your memories of your time together. Sometimes two souls just recognize each other, no matter if they are different species. They achieve a rare and deep understanding the defies explanation or understanding by someone who hasn't experienced it.

    I don't have to know the details to say that of course you did your best for her, knowing what you did at the time. And she knows that, too.

    Blessings,
    Orea
    http://orea-highervoice.blogspot.com/

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