Friday, June 17, 2011

Men Cry Too

Results from numerous studies reveal that men cry more often at the death of their beloved pet than almost all other events in their respective life's including deaths of family members, close friends, and the birth of their children. Certainly I can be included in those studies as I unapologetically shed many tears upon the passing of Erin. To mourn and shed a tear over the passing of a long-time friend is to acknowledge the value and enrichment the animal brought into the relationship, they ask for little in return but give unconditional love and friendship until their last breath.  As a male I feel there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about as we grieve the loss of a beloved pal. The bond between a man and animal can run very deep and is not easily untangled upon death, many emotions can complicate the process so it's more common for men to cry than in past years when it was deemed as a sign of weakness or not a masculine trait.

Humans are often responsible for every aspect of a pet's life from the litter to the grave hence death is a difficult pill to swallow; every past decision regarding the animal's welfare is dissected and analyzed in every way possible. On a personal level, from the day Erin was taken from her mother's side to the moment she stopped breathing it was my decisions that shaped her life and influenced her health hence the amount of years upon this earth and that's the crux of it all... a dog's life and fate lie solely in the hands of their human friend. From dog food to social playmates to which veterinarian is frequented every option is scrutinized to determine if more time could be spent among the living and we all feel guilty that our beloved pets were let down in some fashion. Everything was sacrificed in hopes of giving Erin the life that few other dogs have experienced and while I'm content for the most part; many tears have been released in thinking that her lifespan was shortened due to a poor decision I made.

In the wake of Erin's passing more men than I'm able to recall have confessed their own stories of sorrow and tears upon the death of a pet, it's certainly not a sign of weakness and I actually regard it as a honorable trait; to connect with and to remember such creatures with tears is the ultimate tribute. It seems a million tears have flowed since my own decent into hell began and while I expect to show an outward form of loss for the remainder of my days it's obvious the frequency of tearful sessions are lessening as the days go by. In the beginning it was impossible to get through a day without several mournful wailing periods and no doubt many folks were alarmed at the sight of me appearing in public with blood-shot eyes, moisture laden cheeks, and a stream of tears but it didn't matter as nothing did but to mourn and survive the ordeal. Those times of sobbing uncontrollably are certainly dwindling as the pain is being replaced with memories of love and friendship but I have no qualms of sobbing if needed and I absolutely refuse to allow anyone else to dictate when and how I can grieve.

If you spot me shedding a few tears don't be alarmed as I'm remembering the greatest friend one would ever have....

Tears are words the heart can't express


  1. I think it's so important for men to not feel enslaved by some of the former cultural stereotypes (I'd like to think they are almost behind us in our current society, but they are hard to shake) that assume that men should not cry in moments of grief and loss. I think crying and expressions of emotion are important in experiencing fully the grieving and healing process.

    Interesting post...made me think!

  2. It's important to take all the time you need to morn the loss of Erin and to do it in whatever form it takes. It's the only way to heal. Your followers are here to read your posts both happy and sad. That is a beautiful drawing of Erin at the beginning of this post!

  3. @Jessica I feel that many stereotypes still exist for men and women and yes crying is an important step in the healing process. Thanks for visiting!! :)

    @Mari Things have certainly gotten better and I try to bring a healing/grief aspect to the blog, not just travel stories etc. A friend in London drew the sketch for me, I love it!! Thanks for stopping by!!

  4. You are absolutely right there is no shame in shedding tears for your beloved ones. I am sure you shed many a tear for Erin. She was special but please blame yourself that Erin passing away was for some reason because of a decision you made.I think she couldnt have found a better friend in you.

  5. It's always worth it to love deeply even if it makes us cry sorrowfully.

  6. The subject is very touchy ..“Tears are words the heart can't express” :(

  7. I lost Max in January 2010 and I feel I'm still in mourning. I'll have sad day's and happy day's. I tend not to get as down as I used to because time is of the essence and I need to be mindful of my present not my past. I must stay focused to where I'm at now and what I must achieve and strive for in life. Whether your gender is male or female I feel that when we lose a pet it will still hurt us when that loving companion is gone.
    A part of us may seem to have died with them and we must overcome these issues because they'd want us to continue our mission/goals in life. They'd want us to put our best foot forward and keep moving forward not backwards. Great posts!

  8. Dropping by on the blog hop today.That's what the world needs today - another talking cat - but it's cute! Stop by my blog to see a cat say "Let me in" at his owner's window.

  9. David, I agree with you completely. Tears are an important part of our being human. No one should be made to feel ashamed for honest and heartfelt emotion. I personally have much more respect for a man or woman who can and will cry as needed, than for one who hides their feelings, or worse, doesn't even feel them.

    My husband and I still get tears in our eyes, years later, when we talk of one of our departed pets. Each of them was so special in their own way. I have come to understand that their moving on has made space for me to take new and different loves into my life. I don't like that it works that way, but I can see its value now. I am richer for knowing and loving each and every one of them, even the foster kittens who were only with me a few short weeks. I don't cry for them, of course, because my job was to prepare them for a loving and full life with someone else. But they will always have a place in my heart.

    Tears do express the inexpressible, and they are healing, too. Cry as needed would be a good prescription.


  10. @Rimly Thank you for the kind words!! I have never been ashamed of crying and I don't blame myself for her death, it was her time to go and no one on earth could save her. Only God could have spared her life!!

    @Loerzels Pain is the cost of love, no doubt bout it!! Thanks for visiting!!

    @Geeta Thanks for visiting and commenting!!

    @Ana Thanks so much for stopping by and please return!! Sorry for your loss and your words ring so true as time does dull the ache. I too feel that a portion of us die when our beloved pets pass away, hopefully one day I'll be able to carry on with another loved friend

    @Orea Your words are so insightful and full of wisdom; they sum up how I often feel during these days. While the pain can be unbearable it was totally worth it for so many fabulous years with Erin, I'll take that tradeoff anyday. I value your insight and friendship and look forward to future comments!!

  11. I have the greatest admiration for you for the things you shared in your post. Men should never be ashamed to cry, but so often have been conditioned to react in a tough stereotypical way. Through your honesty also a door has been opened for others to walk through and know they are not alone. May you be blessed as you walk in transparency. Thank you for sharing! Elizabeth.

  12. It is a gift to give your heart to another and " Love Well"...and with that comes the other side of your life together" To Grieve Well" when they leave us. My heart goes out to men who cry...because that is how we connect.. through the heart. If the Heart is shedding tears...then
    your Heart has Loved Deeply. And You and Erid did just that. Your journey together teachs us how to Grieve Well, with undconditional love.

    I love the picture of truly captures her spirit...there is an etherial feel to it. What a lovely gift from your friend.He gave her life in the drawing.

    It is natural to think that we could have done more when we loose a pet. I have felt that every time I lost one of my dearest friends,( if only) and yet I know that they were so deeply loved and cared for. I know from you stories that Erin had a life that few Dogs every achieve and a love that was so unconditional. You gave her your Heart....and you touched each others Soul. Your tears cleanse the Heart of Pain, Heal the Soul, time bring Joy to the memories of this beautiful Spirit named Erin that Touched your Life. To Live is to Love....To Love is to Live...

  13. Take everything that is bothering you out in tears David. That's the exit route and a pretty dependable one. Do it and be proud of it. Erin was precious and there is nothing that should stop you from expressing that.

  14. Cry as much and whenever you want to, after all only you know the extent of your loss. we can only offer comfort by being there for you, listening to you and reading about your special bond with Erin.god bless...

  15. I don't think any person should be ashamed for any honest emotion they may have that brings them to tears. Good post, David!

  16. Hi, first of all thank you for the visit to my blog! It is so important to mourn a pet and you must take time to mourn Erin and also to remember all the good times!

    They have their own personalities and become such an important part of our lives. How can we not mourn them when the pass on? Personally I think men should display their emotions a lot more...women like it!

    Have a wonderful week!

  17. Among my favorite quotes on grief is this one by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow… “The best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” And another by William Shakespeare... "He that lacks time to mourn lacks time to mend."

  18. Stylish Blogger Award for you: I've awarded you the Stylish Blogger Award. You can see the details and copy the award from my post here: Have fun!

  19. David, I too had a pet, and I had cried buckets when she passed on. It is Ok to mourn and crying is a part of it...go ahead...cry till there are no more tears, only fond memories of Erin.


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