Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Life Goes On
The subject of Erin's death was always a forbidden subject, never did I allow the thought to enter my mind nor did I permit someone to bring up the frowned upon topic. To speak of the unwanted event would bring it much closer to fruition so such chatter was best avoided at all costs, it's my belief that speaking of negative subjects somehow bring them that much closer to occurring. Never did I think Erin would pass away or fail to exist in a physical form, not that I believed she was a goddess or some entity that would reign over this world for an eternity; it was just that I couldn't envision her in any other form than eternally beside me.
While humans are expected to outlive their pets and burying them is part of the human-animal relationship I was sure we would perish together. At the same moment our hearts were supposed to expire, the transition would be made in unison, and no more steps along this path would be taken, I'm sure this sounds crazy but everything I was and will be is because of the years spent with Erin. A destiny was awaiting me and it feels as if my fate was rerouted at the last minute, it doesn't feel right traveling down the road without my faithful sidekick. Sometimes I feel like "Lieutenant Dan" in "Forrest Gump", drifting afloat rudderless with the current awaiting a sign from God which I'm hoping will arrive in the near furture.
Lt. Dan: "You cheated me. I had a destiny. I was supposed to die in the field! With honor! That was my destiny"
Sometimes it's a wonder how I can hold my head above water, it would be too easy to subcumb to tragedy and be done with everything but I'm holding onto faith that something beautiful and exciting is awaiting me. It is said that God only saddles us with what we are able to handle thus he must believe I can handle extreme burden, grief, and guilt along with the weight of a building crushing me but tomorrow is a brand new day and I'm anxiously looking forward to it. Thanks to everybody who has supported me on this journey and embraced Erin's story!!! RIP Erin!!