Saturday, July 23, 2011
What Dreams May Come
In the still of the night she arrives leaving paw prints upon my heart and subconscious mind; while I sleep memories and wonderful scenes from our life together are implanted deep in the recesses. There's little doubt that Erin visits quite often to connect with me when the mind is free of the emotional baggage that too often weights down a person. With my mind free of clutter she's able to connect as needed to leave reminders that I'm not forgotten and that our love and special friendship will span any distance and realm. It's been rare that I'm able to recall what occurred in those hours of sleep but when it happens the most joyous wave washes over me and that scene is recalled over and over like a dvd on repeat. These dreams bridge the divide and for a short period reunite us in a way that no earthly device or method can achieve.
Several days ago I awoke with a huge smile as a familiar scene in our life came was acted out once again. Only a snippet was remembered but that's all it took as we were together again and every detail was so vividly clear, not sure why this specific scene was remembered but that's okay as any recalled memory is most welcome. Outside my parents front door as so many times before, the door bell was rung and the wait began in earnest. Erin was anxiously in the sit position waiting for the door to magically open to reveal Mom who always spoiled her "Granddog" with love and treats galore; sensing me glancing downward she lovingly gazes up to make eye contact while her familiar beaming smile and rapid tail wag are on full display. Her attention alternates between me and the door that is impeding her access to a world of pleasure, she scoots closer to the door as if that will help it suddenly spring open. "Where's Momma?" is used to stimulate her to a fever pitch then we hear the deadbolt slide, security chain rattle, and the inner door opens. Erin is so ready to exploit the smallest crack in the storm door and she's inside in a blink of the eye when Mom cracks open the door to greet us; Mom makes a fuss over Erin while we share smiles then reality hits me as I awake.
My fave dream sequence simply involved me holding Erin close and kissing her on the side of her mouth as I so often did. Displaying her relaxed smile and drooping tongue I plant a series of tiny rapid kisses on her as my grandmother did to me; using a arm to cradle her head the playful smooches are doled out then repeated over and over. Kiss kiss kiss kiss and then observe the broad smile, kiss kiss kiss and repeat as needed. She doesn't protest or attempt to get away but instead remains steadfast where I'm free to lavish as much attention as desired until real life interrupts this beautiful scene. It was an amazing feeling to be near her again, to touch her, and to connect in that magical way that made our relationship so special; happiness. giddiness and a few tears overcame me as I realized the vivid dream's are the closest thing to an actual reunion at this time.
Erin's sudden death left me searching for concrete answers as to why and how the unthinkable could happen and a clue came in the form of a dream. Beset with grief and unable to sleep for several days when exhaustion finally overtook me I was presented with a vision involving a sheet of paper with three letters scribbled upon it. The paper flashed in front of my eyes as it was handed from one person to another and though it made only one pass that was enough for me to view and remember what was written. There was little doubt those letters formed an abbreviation of a medical condition that led to my angel's demise so immediately upon awakening numerous veterinarian web sites were researched via the internet to locate that key piece of the puzzle and before long I discovered exactly what I was destined to find.
The most surreal part of the story involved a medical report from the emergency veterinarian clinic where Erin took her last breath and we spent our last moments together. When that report arrived at the house and was opened for examination the abbreviation listed for primary cause of death matched the three letters scribbled upon the paper in my dream; I had the strongest feeling that the abbreviation would be included in the vet report somewhere but it was pretty shocking to see it listed at the top of the first page in black and white. The three letters are permanently etched into my memory as they represent the end of her life as well as a beautiful relationship. I'll never fully understand the dream process but they're most certainly welcome as long as I'm reunited with Erin and while death could take her physically there is nothing that will prevent us from connecting on a higher level.