Question of Faith

My faith in the wake of Erin's passing was given close scrutiny, everything I knew or thought I knew about God was examined from every angle. Religious aspects were not alone under the microscope; they joined family, friends, society, attending veterinarians and most of all...myself. Out of pain, sorrow, and grief must come clarity and a reason for why she perished; answers had to be discovered and somebody had to bear the brunt of my scorn. For me it's not enough that she passed away but who is responsible for snatching her away from me and could anything be done to prevent that unfortunate event.

I believe that God breathes life into every living creature inhabiting this planet and without his blessing we would all fail to exist; that's my belief, the doctrine I maintain and for myself it's what I put my faith into. Erin was supposed to live forever or at least that was my intent, never was any thought given to her demise, my life revolved around enjoying every day with her and not looking forward to a future alone. After the initial shock and grief of death comes the realization that something bigger must keep me afloat or succumb to temptation, there are many traps on the path to enlightenment and many have dire consequences for me.

I've read in articles on grief that the grieving often lash out at God and religion for the deaths of their loved ones but I didn't take this approach of anger and instead my sorrow galvanized my bond with Christ. Answers have been sought out but never has there been any fits of rage where I cussed or belittled my creator for the position I currently find myself, he has a plan and in that my trust is placed. My spiritual response is one of thanks for nearly 12 fabulous years, I feel incredibly blessed in my relationship with Erin, it was the pinnacle of my life, and I'm grateful to God for the cherished time together. Often I let him know how thankful I feel for everything, to please watch over her until the glorious day of my arrival, and to sprinkle glimmers of her presence onto my life.

My eternal reunion with Erin hinges solely upon my relationship with God and the only avenue to one is via the other. As touched upon in other posts, I truly believe that beloved pets are in heaven awaiting our arrival and while the details are unknown to mere mortals, if he desires animals in heaven then they will be there. Prayer and times of reflection bring me closer to God and in these moments of solace I also feel a connection to Erin, pictures of them together brings comfort during stormy times. When everyone else deserts me it's good to know I can put my faith in the all-mighty, instead of fleeing from him I sought him out to gain courage for the prolonged battle.

Sometimes it appears that God's grace is the only reason that I'm still alive, there are many times when I question myself, my life moving forward without Erin, and whether I even want to keep living but breathe I continue as my desire to live outstrips my longing to fall asleep forever. In states of grief I've often asked God why he chose Erin as it wasn't her time, she had much more to accomplish, a dream vacation to Maine was planned, it's not fair to anyone involved, etc. Questions abound regarding her passing and my life but I've never doubted God's plan for me and I'm positive he will bless me again in the future. All I do is for him and in memory of Erin!!

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me